How to tell whether someone’s spirituality is beneficial or just plain weird.

A lot of us are searching: for community, depth, meaning in this chaotic modern world. But after watching basically every cult documentary ever made (the one with mandatory adoption of an astronomical number of cats is totally GOLD), I think its worth discussing some cultish things to look out for when seeking spiritual mentoring or spiritual groups and communities.

First: there’s a pedestal figure. I’m not talking about your basic minister or church leader (although we’ve learned many are dangerous). I’m talking about the situation wherein one person is “special” and is the only one who has the correct answers, is the only one with access to truth, and questioning of this person is forbidden. This is a red flag forest.

You feel like you’re in a car dealership. Everyone is very friendly, but something feels fishy, like you’re being sized up.

You feel someone is trying to erode your logic. Spiritual growth comes with a balance of logic, intuition and a host of individual spiritual gifts. You should never be asked to abandon yourself. You should be encouraged to bloom as your own unique being! I’ve said before that spiritual growth often takes us beyond logic, beyond scientific proof, but you don’t need to be “broken down.” Follow your gut instincts.

The leader or group is wary of the “outside” world. Aren’t we all? Its a total circus right now! But each of us has a purpose which probably entails spreading light (not to mention going to work), which you can’t do from an insulated bunker. Healthy spirituality doesn’t have a locked gate.

You are discouraged from reading. Curiosity (especially when fueled by intuition) is healthy. Do we believe everything we read? No. Do adult thinkers need a leader or group censoring them? Also no. A good mentor will simply ask: What do you think about it? And will be comfortable allowing you to have your own journey. There is a BIG difference between coercion and guidance.

The superiority complex. When you hear some version of “My/our beliefs are better,” tune in to your intuition. Spirituality isn’t a competition. Your soul isn’t a commodity to be obtained by a group. This is your soul journey. Your free will. Your joy.

The person or group makes you feel shame and guilt, and you aren’t actually a bank robber or murderer. Your spiritual journey may be hard (oh the joys of shadow work!), but guidance should always come from a place of love, light, oneness. When and whether you do shadow work is up to you, and it never has to be public. Some groups (even ones considered mainstream) require people to openly share shameful feelings or events. This can be harmful, and spiritual work ideally helps guilt and shame, rather than highlighting or creating it.

Questions are discouraged. This is a BIG red flag. Ask everything. Be curious. Explore ideas. Explore with creativity and enthusiasm.

If you’re here because you’re thinking of partnering with me on your spiritual journey, I can promise you a few things: I have total respect for each individual’s story and journey, I arrive with zero judgement, and I won’t make you adopt dozens of cats.