Notes from the work.

To Dose or Not to Dose—The Potential Dark Side of Enhanced Enlightenment

I recently called a childhood friend who’s a mogul in Silicon Valley. He would never refer to himself as a mogul, and will undoubtedly laugh upon reading this, but I think we can agree that he’s not an employee; he’s the one creating the empires that employ the masses. He will laugh at “empires” too, but suffice it to say, he conceives the visions, while others grind out the production. He isn’t your typical tech leader, and I can tell you why: he is ultimately oriented to serving others. In the past few decades, there’s been a gradual spiritual shift in business that’s worth a brief detour to understand.

In my mind (I’m no theologian or philosopher), souls fall (very generally) into two categories: service to self, and service to others. These aren’t good or bad, they just naturally exist within a society of free will. Think of these groups like the anode and cathode of a battery (for those of you like me who barely survived physics, these are the parts on your battery with a “plus” and “minus” sign). Both charges are needed in balance for the battery to work. In balance is the key, and we can have an entire conversation about those two words. But we’re actually here to discuss something much more interesting: psychedelics.

As my friend patiently answered my entry-level business questions, he asked: “Are you going to get into microdosing? That’s the trend right now. Ketamine and psilocybin, mostly. I’m even thinking about trying it.” So I asked him my favorite question in the world: “Why? What do you think it might accomplish?” It was a fascinating conversation for me, as addiction psychiatry and addiction medicine were two of my board certifications when I was practicing. I know all about the studies on ketamine and psilocybin, and of course all the other trends. My patients themselves were a wonderful source of information and learning for me. As he explained, I was struck by how the end result of using these drugs is really the end result of the spiritual mentoring I offer. But obviously we’re talking about very different pacing. And most people like immediacy.

It doesn’t take much digging to know the trend isn’t new. Here’s what to consider if you’re one of these Tech Bros or Gals who are contemplating some form of experimentation.

First, its helpful to understand a little history. Long before Silicon Valley was a thing, San Francisco was the epicenter of the creative engineering culture. There are common beliefs that certain drugs (LSD, mushrooms, ketamine, MDMA, etc.) can help people transcend the daily grind and connect with the divine. Many users seek higher consciousness, and universal connection. So naturally the 1960s in San Francisco was the perfect breeding ground for these ideas to seep into the nerd crowd, who latched onto the question of whether these “trips” could heighten creativity and extend the capability of humans.

There were two dichotomies in the beginning: the one mentioned above (service to self vs. service to others), and the concept of artificial intelligence vs. the augmentation of human intelligence. This balance of tension is what helped shape the PC industry. Remember the two Steves? Jobs was an entrepreneur (I don’t know him personally but imagine based on public observations his goals were more centered around personal accomplishment), and Wozniak, whom I also have never known, but who had the reputation of wanting to make computers so he could basically have fun with his friends. That’s a form of service to others—not driven by money or pushing to the top of a big pyramid, but being driven by creativity and innovation for the sake of others. At first, the Steves seemed like a good balance. In many of the articles I’ve been reading, the big shift in values seemed to arrive on the scene with the “Pay Pal Mafia.” (I don’t know who coined that phrase, but I love it. It sounds so…Sopranos.) Many people have identified this timeframe as the tipping of balance, when greed became the defining value of the Valley.

I honestly don’t know where we are today, but the interest in micro (or macro) dosing has never really gone away. Several of the “guys at the top” talk openly about ketamine and other drugs. Are they helping them? There’s one individual I could point out where use seems to have been quite detrimental by several standards of objective measurement, but I don’t judge. This is simply a distant observation.

So if you’re thinking about dabbling in the trend of mind-altering drugs, we probably need to have a series of conversations. First, know your “why.” Some people believe one experiment can be the equivalent of “ten years of therapy.” Is this possible? Could be. Is it potentially detrimental? Big Yes. Even Carl Jung warned that these drugs could activate the primitive ego, causing regression instead of growth.

Here’s what I want you to think about, as a starting point. If you or your startup team are considering a group session, know yourself first. Are you oriented to serving others or yourself? There will be a mix in most groups, and it is highly possible that people who are of service to self might use an experience that draws people together “like family” to get their underlings to buy into those 80-100 hour work weeks to make someone else rich. This is one dark side of business-related enhanced enlightenment. So, know before you go, so you can better manage the outcome of the experience and how you want to apply it to your life.

I spoke with therapist Ellise Collier, who is certified by MAPS (Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies). The major message I got from our conversation: this isn’t for everyone. Do you have a history of dissociation? Schizophrenia in the family tree? What medications (if any) are you currently taking? Her main emphasis is you need to do opening work first. Understand your own nervous system, so the experience can be directed to your specific needs. The idea of doing this is to connect with your higher self and experience transcendence; but it is possible for some to connect with their own egos instead (as Jung warned), thinking they are connected to the higher self, which can lead to a “bad trip,” or even a breakthrough experience that will eventually become overshadowed by a nervous system that was dysregulated to begin with. Work with someone who understands this, who can identify the difference between ego and the higher self, and guide you personally, before, during and after.

I encourage you to seek your Self. You have access to divine creativity inside of you, in your second chakra. You have access to everything you need in your etherial being. Whether you decide to do an enhanced journey is entirely up to you, but for the best outcome, I encourage you to put in some work ahead of time with someone trained to help you get in touch with what you’re trying to accomplish. Know specifically how you want to grow, while being open to various avenues of growth. I’ve met individuals who have had life changing experiences. I’ve also witnessed people fall into anger, addiction, negative personality changes, and increased rigidity of thinking, having lost the ability to collaborate and co-create. If you’re going to take time for a vacation, do everything you can ahead of time to make sure you have a good trip.

How to tell whether someone’s spirituality is beneficial or just plain weird.

A lot of us are searching: for community, depth, meaning in this chaotic modern world. But after watching basically every cult documentary ever made (the one with mandatory adoption of an astronomical number of cats is totally GOLD), I think its worth discussing some cultish things to look out for when seeking spiritual mentoring or spiritual groups and communities.

First: there’s a pedestal figure. I’m not talking about your basic minister or church leader (although we’ve learned many are dangerous). I’m talking about the situation wherein one person is “special” and is the only one who has the correct answers, is the only one with access to truth, and questioning of this person is forbidden. This is a red flag forest.

You feel like you’re in a car dealership. Everyone is very friendly, but something feels fishy, like you’re being sized up.

You feel someone is trying to erode your logic. Spiritual growth comes with a balance of logic, intuition and a host of individual spiritual gifts. You should never be asked to abandon yourself. You should be encouraged to bloom as your own unique being! I’ve said before that spiritual growth often takes us beyond logic, beyond scientific proof, but you don’t need to be “broken down.” Follow your gut instincts.

The leader or group is wary of the “outside” world. Aren’t we all? Its a total circus right now! But each of us has a purpose which probably entails spreading light (not to mention going to work), which you can’t do from an insulated bunker. Healthy spirituality doesn’t have a locked gate.

You are discouraged from reading. Curiosity (especially when fueled by intuition) is healthy. Do we believe everything we read? No. Do adult thinkers need a leader or group censoring them? Also no. A good mentor will simply ask: What do you think about it? And will be comfortable allowing you to have your own journey. There is a BIG difference between coercion and guidance.

The superiority complex. When you hear some version of “My/our beliefs are better,” tune in to your intuition. Spirituality isn’t a competition. Your soul isn’t a commodity to be obtained by a group. This is your soul journey. Your free will. Your joy.

The person or group makes you feel shame and guilt, and you aren’t actually a bank robber or murderer. Your spiritual journey may be hard (oh the joys of shadow work!), but guidance should always come from a place of love, light, oneness. When and whether you do shadow work is up to you, and it never has to be public. Some groups (even ones considered mainstream) require people to openly share shameful feelings or events. This can be harmful, and spiritual work ideally helps guilt and shame, rather than highlighting or creating it.

Questions are discouraged. This is a BIG red flag. Ask everything. Be curious. Explore ideas. Explore with creativity and enthusiasm.

If you’re here because you’re thinking of partnering with me on your spiritual journey, I can promise you a few things: I have total respect for each individual’s story and journey, I arrive with zero judgement, and I won’t make you adopt dozens of cats.

What if the human soul was actually in the anatomy textbook?

I’m often asked what I actually do, and my typical summary goes something like this: I’m a retired neuropsychiatrist, and I’ve packed up my tools and taken them into the creative question of “what if the human soul was actually in the anatomy textbook?” With some this immediately resonates. Others don’t believe in the soul, so I ask them whether they believe in human spirit, and what that means to them. Is it the human spirit that unites us when someone runs into a burning building to save the child at the window, or in the neighborhood sports bar during the Stanley Cup finals? Its fun to think about how we can be collectively altered, uplifted in a room full of people cheering for the same team; how we might be snapped into childlike joy by a beautiful fireworks display. Its sobering to think how we can become tethered by community tragedies like school lockdowns and 9/11. Whatever it is, the emotions and feelings in these moments are real, and whether we call it human spirit or interconnection of souls or an emotional or even neurotransmitter response doesn’t really matter. The label doesn’t matter.

The inability of humans to hold definitive spiritual answers is what excites me. If I can imagine the soul inside of the anatomy textbook, I get to wonder what its for, what it controls, how it contributes to this life I’m living right now. And isn’t religion and spirituality about imagination anyway? Religion requires faith—eyes for things that cannot be seen. It also requires strict adherence to a particular belief system, when in actuality no living human actually knows anything with certainty. They might choose to believe with certainty by faith and call it knowing, but those are not the same things. This is why I tell my clients I’m not a guru or spiritual teacher; I don’t claim to hold secret answers. I try to stay clear of the word “believe” because at this point in my journey I find it limiting; once I decide to “believe” in one thing, it prevents me from thinking other options could be possible. Instead, my focus is inward. My curiosity is electrocuted by the human spirit and how it changes us, and I think because we are each different in background and religion (or lack of) and culture and education and in our very humanity, the only thing we have is the ability to look inside us and stare our spirits down. The excitement of this rumbles my bones. And to be clear: this process is for deeply religious people too. Holiness of spirit comes in many forms, and I profoundly respect—and do not wish to interfere with—the belief systems of my clients. I simply join with them to open new portals of joy, of connection, of love, of success. I seek to unleash love in its purest form, untethered to the adherence to strict guidelines of which “type” of human deserves our love. Judgement has no place in pure love. Yes, we stand in our principles, and set boundaries for comfort and safety, but pure love is not the morality police. Love is free to give to anyone. And as you might know, it costs nothing to give. Yet for some, it feels like it will cost everything.

So where does neuroscience come into my spiritual coaching? For me the better question, after an undergraduate degree in biology and chemistry, followed by four years of medical school and then another five years of specialty and subspecialty training resulting in three board certifications, is where isn’t the neuroscience? It feels hardwired into my being. Having studied the human brain and behavior and how that affects physiology and disease; how trauma (physical, emotional, verbal, and other) disrupts the entire physical body; how addiction can blow apart multiple lives in multiple ways.…I carry an understanding of how our experiences (emotional, physiological, mental and spiritual) alter behavior, health status, longevity, productivity, relationships, and the ability to experience joy and connection. We are humans living a challenging existence on this gorgeous earth. Some of us experience more travesty than others; we are here to learn different lessons and we walk very different paths, internally and/or externally. But we all have the same soul, don’t we? If we have one? If our hearts are all made of the same striated cardiac muscle and our kidneys carry glomeruli, and our brains neurons, wouldn’t it follow that each of our souls would be made of the same material? Carry the same potential for magic (for what is the endlessness of a beating heart if not magical)?

Retiring from medicine means I no longer practice medicine. It doesn’t mean the knowledge retires, or the tools. It means my years of spiritual studies have been contextualized by layers of understanding and experience few coaches have. And I am not your typical coach; far from it. I meditate for my clients before and between sessions, which is one reason I take on so few. I meditate on my own journey daily, often several times a day. What I despised about medicine was the absence of authenticity. The practice of medicine is regulated by time, documentation, evidence-based best practices (which help hold rigorous standards but can also be limiting at times), and mostly by insurance companies who seek profit over healing and cause difficulty at every turn, whether by requiring ridiculous prior authorizations, or outright denying necessary care. What I crave that was lacking in my practice is authenticity. The ability to be myself, to interact as myself, to pull off the white coat that represents the hierarchy between doctor and patient.

In sessions you’re going to talk and I’m going to listen and ask questions. We’re going to get behind the scenes, so to speak, of your life, your ambitions, goals, dreams. We’re going to meditate together, and if you have ADHD or OCD or other barriers to meditation, we’re going to find the path that works for you. Because you are a soul with a purpose and you are meant to find it. It belongs to you; your purpose, your worth, your contributions all belong to you, and are waiting to be expanded. Your answers and clarity are waiting to be discovered in their hiding places. In the work I do, we find them so your life can be transformed by them as you choose.

The meeting of “neuroscience and spirit” is my unique way of bringing my tools into authentic interactions with my clients that are as life-changing as those I had with my patients. I am not practicing medicine. I am practicing the spread of curiosity involving the human search for meaning—your personal experience. I will help you dig into your body and psyche in new ways to address whatever goals you bring to the table: whether career/abundance/success-related, or relational, or personal. I want to see in you the creation of a full-body YES in this life. Because life—and the soul—are for living.